Today I’m Wearing It Proudly
I used to despise the way I am, I hate to show my vulnerability.
What if people look down on me? What if they perceive me as a weak person? Or what if they harm me?
I get irritated if someone asks me, “Are you okay?” or “Do you need help?” It hurts my ego. I don’t want anyone to pity me, which is why I always show the world my positive, bright, and logical traits.
When everything goes wrong, I prefer to figure it out myself; and that’s how I cope.
Then I asked myself why. What’s the big deal of being vulnerable? What makes me so terrified of it?
The answer is shame and fear.
I have this core belief that I’m strong and can do everything by myself.
No one is supposed to see the weak side of me because I always believe fear and shame aren’t something to exhibit.
I fear that someone’s perception is going to against my core belief, I don’t want to be perceived as a weak person, and that is why vulnerability is something I need to keep secret from the world.
But sometimes in life, we should learn and unlearn.
The more I learn, the more I understand if we mute vulnerability, we also suppress the feeling of courage and compassion — It’s like two sides of the coin.
The feeling when we love someone with our whole heart without knowing whether it will end well or badly — That is vulnerability.
Or the feeling when we ask for someone’s help because we know we can’t do it by ourselves— That’s also a form of vulnerability.
To love and to be loved is vulnerability — and admitting that sometimes we need help, it also vulnerability.
I believe vulnerability is something that keeps human connection, and we are all related to this, yet sometimes we keep it in the storage of emotions, hidden from the world.
And what’s the effect of this? we have become more aggressive and defensive. We have lost the capacity for tenderness and empathy because we suppressed those feelings too much.
Our emotions shouldn’t determine our core beliefs, because we can still believe that we are strong yet can experience shame and fear in the process.
Solely that doesn’t mean we are weak people; in fact, we are stronger than we think by accepting that sometimes we can be vulnerable too.
Showing vulnerability means we are open to the possibility of being hurt, and for that, it requires a lot of courage and strength to be open to uncertainty.
Accepting vulnerability ignites my creativity and changes how I see myself now.
Writing is my form of embracing vulnerability, therefore I embrace every emotion, whether it’s negative or positive. Finally, I can confidently say, “I like myself now”, and today I’m wearing it proudly.
